Ever since you were born, many people have asked me what are the most surprising things about motherhood. Here are my top five:
5) The unbelievable amount of baby products available to moms these days
-The first time Daddy and I stepped into a Babies 'R' Us to start shopping for you, we had to leave after 10 minutes because there was just So. Much. Stuff. You want a baby bathtub? There are plastic ones, inflatable ones, ones with slings, ones with rubber seats, ones with motorized water jets to create freakin' whirlpools (really!). When we asked a store employee about strollers, he asked us if we were looking for a lightweight stroller, an umbrella stroller, a jogging stroller or a stroller travel system. Um, isn't there one where we can just put the baby in and push it? From baby monitors to something as simple as a pacifier, there are a million different brands, models and styles of everything and doing the exhaustive research to pick the "right" one is a huge pain in the butt. And in addition to the things I knew I needed (crib, high chair, bottles), I have discovered tons of baby products that no mom will ever need. A womb noise machine? A diaper wipe warmer? And my personal favorite, Pee-Pee Teepees? Seriously??
4) I have to suck your boogers out of your nose
-Before I became a mom, I never thought about babies' boogers. But babies obviously have boogers, too, and while I can use a tissue to blow the boogers out of my nose, you have yet to acquire this life skill. So until then, I have to get your boogers out for you and I have to do it by sticking one end of this thing called a "snot sucker" in your nostril, sticking the other end in my mouth and literally using my breath to suck out your boogers. The sucker is designed in such a way that your snot gets trapped in a little tube and cannot get sucked all the way into my mouth. It's one of the oddest things I've ever seen and I still feel weird using it but it does work really well and I think it's one of the most ingenious baby products ever invented, as opposed to, say, Pee-Pee Teepees.
3) I have to do laundry almost every other day
-You're tiny. Your clothes are tiny. Yet your dirty laundry piles up faster than I ever expected. Parents always talk about the sleepless nights, the constant feedings, the loss of their social lives. But no one told me how much friggen' laundry such a small little person goes through. When you were a newborn, I sometimes had to change your outfit five times in one hour because you were constantly spitting up or having oh-so-fun poop explosions. Now, your clothes are always covered in food or dirt from playing outside or you've peed/pooped so much overnight that it soaked through your diaper and onto your clothes and sheets. Thank god we have a washer and dryer in our basement, or else I'd have to buy a timeshare at the laundromat down the block.
2) I can now talk about poop. A lot.
-I would never in a million years tell anyone about my poop. There is just no reason to ever go there. But when it comes to your bowel movements, I have no qualms about discussing them with your dad, your grandparents, the mom I meet at Barnes & Noble. I have had lengthy discussions with my mom friends about the color, shape, consistency and frequency of our kids' number twos and it is a completely acceptable topic of conversation in parental circles. When Daddy comes home from work, sometimes the first thing I say to him is something like, "Connor pooped today and it was shaped like a big Hershey's Kiss!" And instead of cringing in horror and disgust, Daddy will laugh because that is our life now. Hershey's Kiss-shaped poop.
1) And the #1 biggest surprise about motherhood? That I don't always enjoy it.
When we've gone out, there have been many times when some stranger has smiled at us, said something about how precious parenthood is and told me, "Enjoy it." And I do. Daddy and I tried to get pregnant for many months and I know how immensely lucky we are that you came along. I love being your mom. But sometimes I don't. When you were a newborn who cried so much that I didn't have time to eat, sleep or even shower, I didn't enjoy that. When you won't let me change your diaper and keep trying to fling yourself off of the changing table, I don't enjoy that. When it's time to leave the park and you don't want to go so you throw a temper tantrum, scream your head off and refuse to get in your stroller, I really don't enjoy that. Being a mom is not all sunshine and rainbows and snuggles in bed and I had no idea that there would be times that I'd be so frustrated, so irritated, so angry and so annoyed that I'd go into the bathroom just to get away from you and cry. But that's the funny thing about motherhood. You'll smile at me, give me a kiss or say "Sorrrr" and hug my leg and all is forgiven and forgotten. Despite all of the bad parts, I really do love being a mom and I love you more than anything. And that's no surprise at all.
Love,
Mom
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