Call Me Red Ninja

Dear Connor,

You seriously crushed it with the one-liners this week:

You: Mommy, I don't want my name to be Connor anymore. I want you to only call me 'Red Ninja.'"

At a restaurant where there was a very obese woman standing near our table--
You: Mommy, why is her stomach so big?
Me: That's not a nice thing to say. And she's standing right there, so she might hear you.
You: What? I didn't call her f-a-t.
Me: Sweetie, she's a grown-up. She knows how to spell.

You: You're the best mama in the whole world.
Me: Eh, I don't know about that.
You: Well, you are to me.

Me: Being a mom is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Who else do you know who works 24/7?
You: God.
Me (thinking): Well, damn.

Love,
Mom